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October 19, 2001
Mel has had problems sleeping lately. The other night, when he was tossing and turning and complaining, I told him if he had a clear conscience like me, he could sleep like a baby.
"That's not it," Mel growled. "Can't you hear all 'em acorns droppin' on the truck...ka-ping, ka-ping, ka-ping....an' rollin' off the cab an' hittin' the ground?"
"Actually, I was asleep and hadn't noticed," he yawned.
"I'd jist like to know where 'em stupid squirrels are when you need 'em," he muttered.
My husband flopped back and forth for another half hour or so and then got up and padded down the stairs. A few minutes later he returned and plopped down on the bed. The tremor woke me up for a second time.
"Where you been?"
"I found a coupla ol' comforters we take campin' an' spread 'emover the cab an' hood of the pickup to cushion that blasted noise."
"Wouldn't it have been easier to just move the truck?" I suggested.
No sooner had the words escaped my lips than the pinging started in again. Mel stood up and peered through the blinds. The way the night light fell, he could see that a little breeze had already kicked up one corner of the quilt.
"Dang it. I went to all that trouble fer nuttin'."
"You wouldn't be having trouble if you'd clean the garage out so you could park the pickup where it belongs," I said. "You'll never learn..."
"Don't you start in...two o'clock in the mornin' is no time fer lectures, an' I shore ain't in th' mood fer one now," he snapped.
"Then why don't you simply shut the windows?"
"Why should I have to do that? We fin'ly git some decent weather whur we can enjoy some nice fresh air. No sirree, I ain't about to shut 'em.
"Suit yourself," I said, and began picking up where I left off on my snoozing.
I had no more than dozed off than Mel jumped up out of the bed and bolted out the door again. Shortly, I heard him crank up the truck and move it. He returned a few minutes later, fluffed up his nest and crawled back into it.
Ka-ping, ka-ping, ka-ping.
Mel shot up out of the bed and peeped out again.
"What now?"
"Datblamit, acorns are droppin' on the air conditionin' unit now."
"You should be able to fix that in no time flat. Just get your comforters and some baling wire. Then again, you could just shut the windows so you don't hear it."
Mel stomped back to bed. He wallowed around, groaned every time an acorn fell, and mumbled something about Chinese water torture, and that he just couldn't sleep under the circumstances.
"I think there was a fairy tale along the same lines, only instead of a guy and an acorn it was a princess and a pea."
"I'm at my wits' end. The bloomin' noise is drivin' me crazy an' I don't know what I can do about it."
"Well, if you can just manage to settle down long enough to doze off, your snoring should drown it out."
