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Texas Agriculture Archive

October 4, 2002

I grew up hearing folks, when asked how they were doing, reply, "fair to middlin'." I was grown before I realized they were talking about cotton grades. Though most of our society is several generations now from the farm, so many expressions, colloquialisms and euphenisms stemming from farm life are still in regular use.

Mel, for example, has lots of familiar, sage advice, whether I ask for it or not—"Don't put th' cart 'fore the horse"; "Don't count your chickens 'fore they hatch"; "Don't put all yore eggs in one basket"; "Better make hay while the sun shines"; and "Ain't no use cryin' over spilt milk."

We've all heard observations and phrases like..."No use shutting the gate after the horses are out"; "It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack"; "The fox is guarding the henhouse"; "A hard row to hoe"; "He's sowing his wild oats"; "Protective as a mother hen"; "They're living high on the hog"; or "We're in high cotton." Also, "Something to crow about"; "Didn't fall off a turnip wagon"; "Egg on his face"; "Whole hog or none"; and "I heard it straight from the horse's mouth."

One or more of the following descriptions fits my husband: "bull in a china closet," "slippery as a greased pig," "hard headed as a goat," "stubborn as a mule," and "pigheaded."

When I read those to him, he said "hogwarsh!' or maybe it was "bullcorn!" I tried to "butter up" to him, but he told me if I didn't behave myself, he was going to show me "how the cow eats the cabbage!" I wasn't a bit "cowed," even though he called me "heifer!" I told him to just "hold his horses," I was merely "hamming it up." His face was "red as a turkey gobbler's snout," but I was "grinnin' like a mule eating briars." Good thing he's really "gentle as a lamb," or I could have "bought the farm" or "gone on to greener pastures" that time around. Mostly, I just get myself "in a pickle." Sometimes Mel "gets a bur under his saddle," but he's typically back in a good humor "in three shakes of a cow's tail." More than once, he's told me I'm "ornery'n the south end of a north bound horse" or that I "don't know beans" about it.

He has a gillion more sayings, some of which are a "bunch of bull." For instance, when it thunders, he says "They're rollin' taters." When we need to get somewhere quick, or we're running late, he'll say, "We'd better hook it to the wagon" or "Better saddle Ol' Nellie." When something doesn't go right, he'll say, "Cotton picker!" Then he's got this saying, "Faster'n a turpentine cat," but "that's a horse of a different color," so he'll just have to explain that one to you.

I could keep on "'til the cows come home," but it's hard to quit "cold turkey." I asked Mel to look my column over to see if I may have left out a really significant one with which a lot of readers could identify. He said, "Yeah, I can thank o' one prob'ly half or more can relate to."

"What's that?" I asked.

A "sheepish grin" crept across his face. "Was it an oversight or did you mean to leave out 'henpecked?'"