Return to TFB Main Page
Return to Current Edition
Texas Agriculture Archive

February 7, 2003

"There's a whole lotta references to the Law of the Jungle, but you don't never hear folks tawk about th' Law of the Cowlot," Mel remarked recently. "That's whur all the other laws is put to the test."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Ah'm tawkin' 'bout the Law of the Jungle, Newton's Law, the Law of Cause an' Effect, the Law of Thermodynamics, an' most especially, Murphy's Law, 'cause if anythang can go wrong, it's shore nuff gonna go wrong when yore workin' cattle."

"'Now this is the Law of the Jungle —as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.'"

`Who made up them fancy words?"

"Kipling."

"Did you read it in his newsletter?"

`Not Kiplinger, Kipling—the guy who coined the phrase 'the law of the jungle' in The Second Jungle Book.

"The same fellar who wrote about that li'l mongoose, Ricki Ticki Tavi?"

"That's the one."

"Always liked that story, an' wondered if he could put rattlesnakes on the run the way he could scat cobras...anyhow, when you git cows all penned up an' anythang's lahble to happen, but thur's some thangs happen reg'lar nuff to be some kiney law at work. Like...

"If you got a pothole anywhur in the lot, yore bound to step in it an turn yore ankle, an' if you happen to fall down in the process, nine times outta 10, you fall right splat in the middle uva cow patty.

"And if thur's the least li'l ol' piece o' balin' wahr anywhur aroun', a heifer's gonna git it wrapped aroun' her hoof. The thang is, you ain't gonna realize it 'til it's cut to the bone.

"If you got a hole in the pen or fence anywhur, at least one smart alec steer's bound to find it an' git out.

"If thur's any pipe or anythang stickin' up that can be broke off, it'll be history by the time yore done.

"If you got hay stored nearby, the cows'll figger out a way to git into it.

"More'n likely you'll git stung once't or twice't by a wasp er yellar jacket while yore vaccinatin', or struck by a stray needle yoreself. An' if you happen to drop one, it's gonna fall into a crack in the ground ever' time.

"Then that ol' law 'bout one bad apple spoils the whole bunch comes into play, 'cause I guarantee you can have nine gentle cows an' one crazy one, an' she'll make the rest wahld as peach orchard boars."

"If yore tryin' to get the cattle to cooperate and go one way, they'll always go the other."

I interrupted with, "Then there's the Taurine Tenet, which states that cattle never break out while you're watching."

"Ain't that the truth," Mel replied. "Here's one...if you plan to haul some cattle, and you go over yore trailer with a fine tooth comb, you can count on yore truck breakin' down.

"And once't yore done, if yore trying to remember if you left the water on in the barn, you did. If yore wonderin' if you latched the pasture gate, you didn't...Lotsa laws at work in that ol' cowlot alright..."

"Yep," I sighed. "It's a real jungle out there."