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Texas Agriculture Archive

February 21, 2003

"Ah'm so tard o' hearin' 'bout Saddam Hussein. Ever' other conversation on the news or in the papers is Saddam this an' Saddam that...Seems lahk it's de ja vu all over agin."

"I know what you mean. He's like a recurring bad dream you just wish you'd wake up from," I said.

"Fer a two-bit despot from a third-rate country, he shore has a way of stayin' under folks skin night an' day, intentional er otherwise. It's hard to understand how sich a measly thug manages to keep the whole world in a constant turmoil. We're always between Iraq an' a hard place."

"He obviously enjoys being in the limelight. Must think bad attention is better than none," I commented.

My husband agreed.

"Some folks is slow learners, an' ah'd put Saddam at the top o' the list," he said. "You'd thank with the poundin' he took before, he'd be a li'l bit more cooperative this time aroun'."

I pointed out that as a spoiled dictator, Iraq's illustrious leader didn't know the meaning of cooperation.

"What I can't figger out is why they don't jist put a great big bounty on that hard head o' his an' let nature take it's course. Saddam's one o' those bad animals that needs to be cut out of the herd before he multiplies. Thought they'd dehorned 'at sucker once't, but they wuz wrong. But I have a feelin' he's 'bout to get hauled to market an' ground into hamburger."

"Apparently, world opinion doesn't mean a thing to a guy like that."

"That's partly because world opinion's all over the map. You got so many irrelevant folks from so many insignificant places spoutin' off. Leaders ain't speakin' with one voice. Ever'body's got thur own agenda an' that's bound to tickle ol' Saddam plumb pink."

"If they do invade Iraq, I'd be surprised if Saddam has any bullets left. Every time I see him on the evening news, he's firing off that stupid rifle of his. Looks like he'd have used up all his ammo by now," I said. "You know, if they don't bomb his presidential palaces, maybe they should at least drop a planeload of termites."

"Maybe that wishy washy bunch at the UN would go fer that."

"That would be one way to bug him!" I cracked.

"Speakin' o' bugs, I wuz thankin' how ol' Saddam's kiney like a boll weevil. Don't look all that big an' bad, but always gnawin' away. The boll weevil eradication program seems to be the model fer foreign policy..."

"How so?"

"Well, cotton farmers decided they needed a regime change out in thur fields. They come up with a strategy an' put it to a vote. Once the eradication program wuz in place. They got some inspectors out there scoutin' fer weapons o' mass destruction. An they enforced a no fly zone. Hotspots git the most attention. At the start, containment's the focus, but the ultimate goal's eradication, so they have to keep after 'em an' cain't let up."

"Interesting comparison. Saddam's sly like the boll weevil. A boll weevil overwinters in the weeds and stubble and comes back with a vengeance. He lays low in the ruins an' rubble..."

"But he ain't no comeback kid this time," said Mel. "He's one evil weevil whose days is numbered."