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Texas Agriculture Archive

November 7, 2003

Mel and I were talking recently about the unusual names of ranches we've seen posted over gates as we've traveled around Texas. Some are humorous, others are puzzling. Some I can't repeat. You do have to wonder where folks come up with some of the more creative ones. Others, however, are obvious...like "Chiggerosa" and "The Po Farm."

"Ah seen some that are plumb silly, lahk 'Skeerdy Kat Farm' an' 'Mud Puddle.' Looks lahk folks wud perfer sump'n more dignifahd. If ah cudn't do better'n 'at, ah'd jist scrawl a X on a shangle an' hang her up."

"I think someone's already done that," I said. "On second thought, maybe it was XIT."

Mel and I discussed the fact that some ranches are named for prominent landmarks, geographic formations, or bodies of water, like "Krooked River Ranch" at Haskell or "Nine Point Mesa Ranch" out in Brewster County. And there's all kinds of flying letter ranches and numbers, like the "Four Sixes Ranch." Then there's the bars... "Bar 96 Ranch," "T-Bar," "S Bar T" and scores more.

"Don't forgit the lazy ones...lahk 'Lazy F' and 'U Lazy S,' an' the broke ones, lahk the 'Broken Arrow Ranch' at Ingram th' 'Broken Bit' an' 'Broken Spoke' ranches...."

"Yeah, and the 'Dead Broke,' 'Gone Broke,' 'Stonebroke,'and 'Flat Broke' ranches. We can sure identify with how those enterprises got their names," I said.

"'Hard Scrabble' an' 'Elbow Grease' comes closer."

Lots of ranch names include tools of the trade, such as "pitchfork," "scissors," "spur," "shoe nail," "wagon," or Mel's favorite, the "rocking chair." Others have Indian sounding names, like "Cherokee Ranch," "Comanche Trails Ranch," and "Tomahawk Ranch"; animals, including "El Coyote Ranch" and "Whitetail Ranch"; and birds, including "Buzzard Roost," "Bald Eagle Ranch," and "Chaparral Ranch."

Mel explained that the names of many historic ranches, like the "Turkey Track Ranch" and the "Mashed O Ranch," along with most of the bars and numbers names listed earlier, were derived from their founders' cattle brands.

We both acknowledged that the name of our last ranch was a doozy–"Fjel Hjem," which means "Mountain Home" in Norwegian.

"Don't thank anybody ever pronounced it raht the whole tahm we lived thur. Shudda chunked that un raht off... Folks seem to just jot down the first thang that comes to mind. Maybe we shud start thankin' ahead now concernin' whut we're gonna dub our next un," Mel suggested.

"It'll have to be a generic name, since we don't have a place picked out. How about 'Happy Hollow?'"

"Woopy do. Now ain't that original? Ah can tell you raht now we ain't gonna share a name with 'at swimmin' hole whur all 'em nudists congregate."

"That's 'HIPPIE Hollow.'"

"Don't matter," said Mel, abruptly. "It's still outta th' runnin'. Surely that ain't the best you can do. Thank o' one that makes sense, that fits..."

"`Let's see, 'Wit's End' and 'Funny Farm' are already taken...'Numbskull Ranch' has a nice ring to it."