By Mike Barnett
I'm sick to death of "swine flu."

No, I don't have the H1N1 flu virus. I don't have chills and sweats and coughs and all of those other symptoms. Not yet.
What I do have is a pain in my butt from reading newspapers accounts and watching local television news and listening to radio broadcasts using this misnomer that has gleefully been adopted and spread via our local and many national media outlets. And no matter how many times we call them to task and no matter what we do or say, the mindless babble continues.
"Swine flu" apparently is much sexier than H1N1. It slides off the tongue easier and carries that touch of wariness and hint of danger that pigs might be giving us the flu after all. Not many media are letting the truth stand in the way of a provocative name. What they are not taking into account is the very real cost to those who make their living raising hogs.
Pork producers are pinching pennies paying the price for this preposterous porcine prattle as consumers shun their product at the grocery store. Prices plummeted last spring when H1N1 first garnered headlines, raised a bit this summer when the virus faded into the background and have resumed their downward spiral as H1N1 emerged once again this fall. Blamed are consumer misconceptions about the true origin of the flu and the continuing ban by some countries of U.S. pork products.
Let's be clear about one thing. Because the flu is called something it ain't is reason enough to put pork on your plate. H1N1 didn’t come from pigs. You're not going to get the H1N1 flu from eating pork. Period.
In fact, it's probably time to stock the freezer. I picked up an incredible 3 1/2 pound pork loin roast the other day for under 8 bucks. What a bargain. That's some mighty fine eating when slow cooked on the grill. Or in the oven. Or any other way you care to fix it.
You know the industry has a real problem when soccer moms kick "swine flu" around harder than their kids kick balls on the field. I heard three different conversations in the span of 10 minutes about swine flu at my granddaughter's game this weekend.
"Don't blame the pigs," I told all. "They're innocent. Call it H1N1. And have a bacon sandwich. "
Then there's my daughter, Amanda.
I had guests in my home this weekend and invited Amanda over for dinner. I served that incredible pork loin roast I talked about earlier and some beautiful baby back ribs.
My good friend Steve bit into one of those meaty, fall-of-the-bone delights at the same time my daughter decided to tell us about the local outbreak of "swine flu" at my grandkid's school.
There was an audible clunk as one half-eaten rib fell to the plate.
First, I told Steve not to worry. He wasn't going to get swine flu from a rib, pork chop, bacon, ham, pork roast, pork rinds or any other part of the pig he cared to eat. A look of relief flooded his face. I could tell he really liked those ribs.
"And you, Amanda," I directed my youngest child. "You of all people should know better than to call it swine flu. How many times have I told you it doesn't have a thing to do with pigs?"
"About a hundred," she replied. "But the lady on the news keeps calling it swine flu..."
"And if she told you to jump off a cliff...oh never mind," I scolded. "Don't let me hear that come out of your mouth again. Ever. Call it H1N1."
Amanda called me a few days later. The voice on the phone indicated a really sick daughter.
"What's wrong?" I asked, suspecting but not knowing for sure.
"I have H1N1, she replied.
"Good," I said.
"What do you mean good? I'm sicker than a dog and all you can say is good," she lamented, a bit testy. "What kind of dad are you?"
"Not good that you have H1N1," I clarified. "Good that you finally learned what to call it."